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Work Related Stress

How I Cope and What I'm Still Learning

By James HowellPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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We all have stress at our jobs. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that my job is more stressful than say a soldier or fireman, but some days, I try to work with everyone around me and be reasonably agreeable, but it seems that I always meet some kind of resistance, no matter how I approach the problem.

It’s really frustrating when all they see you as is an inconvenience to them, even though you’re just trying to point out a problem before it becomes a problem. Apparently I am the devil monster because I am in quality. I believe in doing my job right and being respectful, and I only expect the same in return. There’s always an excuse but never a solution. I am constantly ignored, and no one seems to care what we send to our customer as long as we send it to them.

I only call the supervisors when I think it is absolutely necessary and something that needs to be looked at before it becomes a problem or reaches the customer. I try to work with them and meet them halfway whenever possible. I have been ignored, given excuses, and had the production manager try to intimidate me and berate me. I have been called stupid, and too critical. (I don’t know how that’s possible when my goal is to eliminate any defects or returns from the customer.)

My own boss has chosen to dismiss it on multiple occasions, and has even gone as far to say that I over exaggerated a problem when he was standing right with me looking at it. It got to the point where I had to go see a therapist about it. I was honestly hoping that he would put me out due to work related stress. It was that bad. Unfortunately he didn’t.

It came to a boiling point one night when a vehicle I had borrowed from my father-in-law would not start for anything. I had to have my wife come pick me up, which was fine. A couple of coworkers and myself were trying to get it going to get me home, but to no avail. My wife came to pick me up and was angry at me for something that was out of my control. She was fussing at me because the vehicle wouldn’t start. She was fussing at me because our child was crying in the backseat. Both of these things were out of my control, but I still felt like a failure, in my work life and my home life. We went home and I put my son in his crib. She took off in a huff to get us something to eat.

I looked down at my son and began to cry. I felt like a failure, like he deserved better than me. The only thing that stopped me from going over the edge was the fact that he smiled up at me. I took what I thought was enough Xanax (it was prescribed to me to take daily) to get high, but apparently it was still too much. My wife came home and found me on the floor beside his crib.

She rushed me to the ER, where I had to stay overnight for observation, and then had to spend the next day in an observation ward of the psych unit. The psych unit completely sucked: no books, phones, made me take all my piercings out. The worst part was that I missed my son’s first Thanksgiving. I can never get that back. I literally slept for 16+ hours, because there was nothing to do there. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without supervision. When I was awake, I just laid there and cried, because I wasn’t with my son.

I know that I didn’t handle my situation properly, and I even tried to get my doctor to do something to help me. The only answer I got was that “as long as you aren’t using it as a coping mechanism, it’s okay.” What kind of answer is that?! I just told you that I spent time in an observation unit, could have possibly died, and it’s okay? How exactly is that okay? I now understand why people don’t want to admit it when their stress or depression gets the best of them.

Am I addicted to Xanax? The answer is no. I take it like normal, and made one irresponsible decision that I am responsible for. I let work related stress overwhelm me, I carried it home where it continued to overwhelm me, and it was just a chain reaction of events.

I now know that it is okay that walk away from stressful events and it's part of the reason I started blogging in the first place. I find this very therapeutic and a good way to vent, hence me writing this. It’s hard for me to walk away from a situation that I feel strongly about and feel like it is a legitimate issue. It stresses me out as badlay as being ignored. Sometimes it’s the best option, though, and I now realize that. If they don’t want to cooperate with me, let it be on their head when it comes back and bites them. I did my part. As the saying goes, not my circus, not my monkeys.

coping
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About the Creator

James Howell

Father, activist, man in black... He/Him

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