Muted Clarity
Bio
My life is scrawled onto these pages. So when you begin your read; we will go on a journey together.
Stories (3/0)
Out of Love
We built this life together and I think that's probably the reason why I held on for so long. When you've known a person you held so dear to you since you were teenager, it's hard to let go because you know that if you do, then you can't cry on his shoulder anymore, he can't be the person you call to break down to and the best parts of him no longer are yours.
By Muted Clarity6 years ago in Humans
Why I Disappeared...
I think I’ve said goodbye to so many people in my life, to the point where the only place I feel comfortable enough to turn are these pages. I mean I’ve loved and I’ve lost and yes, I have moved on and become this whole other person, but I thought when I felt my lowest of lows that I’d always have a place that feels like home, and I think that’s what’s making this so much harder for me. I turn around and everyone is busy and bustling about their own lives and anyone that I ever held dear to me is distracted or has already said goodbye. And I guess that’s okay, but simultaneously, it’s like I give so much of myself to people… I’m the first one to wipe away their tears and the first one to help fight their battles but when it’s my turn it’s like, wait a day or two… or a simple no… no way. And that makes me feel an unexplainable kind of discomfort, because I hate asking for help and I hate relying on people and it takes me a lot to get to the point of even asking in the first place.
By Muted Clarity6 years ago in Humans
My Anxiety Story
To begin with, I never knew what the big deal was. I've always been a very put together individual and since I was a child I've had things that haunt me and somehow I always managed to keep up a front and get through life. As a person I am completely an extrovert, I could get along with almost anyone. You could say that I can be very sociable but deep down I've never felt like I belong anywhere, I've always just felt alone no matter how many people stand around me or how many friends everyone thinks I have. I'm not really sure where it came from or specifically what point anxiety started to become a standing issue in my life but I know that this year and last year was extremely tough for me. I realised how much of an effect anxiety really has on a person because it took me. It ripped me away from myself. They are moments in time when things get way too much and it makes me feel like I'm drowning. Oh no... I don't mean that lightly. I literally could feel water filling my lungs and then I wouldn't be able to breathe. My mind would stray to all the things that are happening and this sadness takes over. It doesn't matter where I am or who I'm with, it doesn't go away. I have to focus, my mind, my breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Till I'm out of that place. I have to really try and stop myself from thinking the worst, from retracing the worst. It sounds easy but my goodness, in that moment it's like the world depends on it and you just can't do it. I have to distract myself because if I don't—then I'll be slap bang in the middle of Stratford Westfield or traveling on the underground somewhere with tears rolling down my face and I won't be able to stop it. And then it feels like everyone is staring and oh my god, it sucks.
By Muted Clarity6 years ago in Psyche